We all know about the heavily blunt themes of prejudice and racism in Zootopia, and it’s no secret that the treatment between predators and prey disturbingly parallels our own society. Say whatever you can about the treatment between the police and Blacks, or politicians and immigrants, or virtually any religious group against a much greater body, but the one piece of unfair prejudice I would like to discuss relates to how everybody has some form of unfair opinions about people with autism.

Every day I come across people who look down upon me because they know that I am “different” from everybody else. Even if somebody is trying to be accepting and friendly to me, they still set me aside to give more attention to their other “normal” friends. I will admit, I am not much of a talker, and socializing is relatively difficult for me. You also could call me “not the most fun talker,” not to be self-degrading. But from my experiences out in a crowd, I often feel that although people may feel they’re accepting me and giving me a fair treatment, they really just say a few brief sentences, get uncomfortable, then move on to chat with someone else. Now, this doesn’t happen all the time, but it has still been common with many of my interactions. Despite people’s self-assumptions, they can still unintentionally shun a person with autism because of their blatant differences.

Even I myself have been prejudiced towards others on the spectrum. I admit that I have quite often avoided interaction with people who I knew were mentally disabled. Like most others, I felt my most comfortable around people who had no mental disabilities. Even if I tried to look like I was accepting of people with autism, Asperger’s, Down Syndrome, or anything related to such, you could probably tell I was my most enthusiastically social around “normal” people.

Yes, I admit. Even we autistics are guilty of unintended prejudice against autistics.

It’s just like in Zootopia. Judy Hopps felt that with all the hatred and prejudice that the prey were pressing onto the predators, that she was different in the way she interacted with them. She felt that working with Nick Wilde on her case proves how accepting she was relative to everyone else. But it turns out she was still just as prejudiced as all other prey in Zootopia, as she still carried around fox repellant out of fear that all foxes were bullies out to get her. We all are guilty of prejudice, no matter what we may think.

But there’s one absolutely crucial point to keep in mind:

Six-Word Lessons on Female Asperger Syndrome, Lesson #32: First Impressions Rarely Reveal True Character.

After working with Nick Wilde for some time, and learning more about him, Judy learns that this fox is not quite as mean or deceptive as he looked upon first impression. Just ask either of my parents what they thought about raising a child with autism, and they could easily tell you this:

Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids, Don’t Underestimate His Life Skills Abilities.

They probably didn’t think I would be able to drive, but I got my license at 16. They probably didn’t think I would ever go to college, but I did, and graduated with honors. Hearing one thing about a similar person with me does not automatically conclude what future I am destined to hold. The same goes to everybody else simplified to a label:

Not all blondes are dumb. Not all Asians are mathematical geniuses. Not all Christians are street protestors. Not all single mothers are emotionally distressed. Not all savants are hopeless in functioning in society. We are a beautifully diverse world with cultures as varied as the animal kingdom, one where no two people are ever the same. It’s time we realize how different we all are and see every individual as unique.

3 Takeaways:

1. If you have autism, let go of your prejudices against others on the spectrum. You may think you have none, but that is where the danger lies. Acknowledge when you have demeaning thoughts about autism in general, and know that everybody’s journey is different.
2. If you know somebody with autism, do not ever underestimate what they can do. Even if somebody can’t speak or walk, there is so much more that they are capable of accomplishing.
3. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but erase all stereotypes. Just as a bunny is capable of becoming a police officer, somebody with autism is capable of writing a book with a five-star rating on Amazon.

Read full movie review of Zootopia.
​
Thanks so much for your time in reading! My book Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic is available on Amazon, Kindle, and iBooks. -- Trevor Pacelli, TrevorsViewonHollywood.com

Independent living is an important goal for young adults with autism, and studies have shown that it can lead to better employment success. The process can start early in life, and there are several things to help meet this goal while still living at home.

Your Child as a Roommate - During your child's late teens or early twenties, if still living at home, treat your student more like a roommate and have expectations of them as if they were living on their own, such as doing their own laundry, keeping their own room or space clean (or not), buying their own food and toiletries, and anything else that had been provided when they were younger. To do this, they will need an allowance or "salary" of some kind, which will help them learn (with your instruction) to manage money. Have them pay you rent, and at least some of their car or transportation expenses, and some of their personal purchases. Along with this, get them started with a simple budgeting spreadsheet to manage their bills, purchases, and even some savings. We did this with both of our children, regardless of an autism spectrum diagnosis.

Moving Out - When your child does move out on their own, give them a lot of encouragement to do things their own way, but be available to help them as well. Depending on your relationship and your child, you may need to back off a little more than you'd like, or you may have to force them to do more on their own. Our son was very excited to be on his own, and wanted to arrange his items in his new place by himself, but some young adults might be too dependent on their parents, and the parents might need to push them to do more on their own. We tried to find the balance between making sure Trevor was living successfully and keeping safe, while letting him do things his way, even if he made some mistakes or it wasn't perfect.

Living independently, whether in stages while still at home, or in their own place, leads to greater self-esteem, confidence, household skills, knowledge and comfort with social situations, especially when living with roommates. This leads to less stress and more confidence and ability to learn new skills in the workplace.

For more about autism and preparing your child for employment, check out my book, Six-Word Lessons for Autism-Friendly Workplaces - Patty Pacelli

Far too frequently I get the idea that because I have slower speech and a lack of understanding towards other people, I can’t be of significant help to them. But this Memorial Day, I was proven wrong about myself.
 
You see, I was sitting on a park bench in a forested area near my home. All seemed fine, until I suddenly started hearing high-pitched screaming and crying. I ran over to see the source of the mayhem, and I saw two women who clearly didn’t know each other, one with two huskies, and one sitting on the ground, a smaller black dog held tight in her arms. I asked what happened, and they told me that one of the larger dogs had bitten the smaller dog on the neck. They told me to call 911, which I did. The problem though? These types of emergency services don’t help dogs. The woman with the larger dogs said that she would help out the smaller dog, but needed to go back home to get something. So as she was walking away, she shouted out her name and phone number to me before I could get a chance to get it right. By the time she was gone, the other woman, I’ll call her Kayla, realized that she was just trying to escape the situation. Then her injured dog, I’ll call her LBD (Little Black Dog), ran out of her arms and into one of the bushes, her front left leg clearly damaged. Kayla started to freak out, as she took it as LBD losing trust in her as an owner.
 
Kayla’s next mode of action was to take LBD to the pet hospital, which in our circumstance, was at PetSmart. She asked me to come with her as a witness, and I quickly said yes. I got into her car, and the whole time, she was still sobbing and panicking over thinking she was a terrible dog owner. I kept affirming to her that she did nothing wrong, from what I could tell from the situation. So after a drive that felt longer than it really was, Kayla brought LBD into the hospital wing of PetSmart. I sensed her trauma, so as we were sitting in the waiting room for the doctor to come and check up on LBD, all I did was pat her back to let her know that she was not alone.
 
Then the doctor came to check up on LBD, which meant he had to take her away from Kayla, definitely not easy for her to accept. Thus, we waited as they checked on the damage done by LBD, and at this point, I was mainly repeating to Kayla that she did nothing wrong, and that it would be unlikely that LBD would dislike her now. But Kayla was more concerned about LBD being able to go for walks, after facing such trauma with a larger dog. Then the doctor came out, and he told her that LBD had quite a bit of swelling and damage to her back and front left legs, and that they would have to take some X-rays. I decided it was good to ask how the trauma would affect a small animal like LBD, and I believe from what I can remember that he said it would likely be traumatic at first, but would heal over time.
 
At this point, Kayla decided that she didn’t need me around anymore, as she had called her boyfriend to come over and help her out. So she agreed to give me a ride home as she waited for the X-rays to develop. As we got into Kayla’s car, I then asked her, “Can I pray for you?” Now, I am of strong Christian belief, so praying is a part of my way of helping others in need. So I said a quick prayer for Kayla, and she drove me home. As she dropped me off, she was ever so thankful that I was there to help her. Later that day, I got a text message from Kayla (I gave her my phone number in case she needed my eye witness later on) giving the status report on LBD. She even texted me a video/status report that I assume she sent out to her other Facebook friends, of LBD on her car seat. I texted back saying I was going to continue praying for her.
 
I learned something very important about myself from all this. Just because I have autism does not mean I can never help somebody in need. Nobody has to do anything elaborate to help somebody else, it only requires giving your time to let somebody else know that they’re not alone. It’s not a matter of how good of a speaker I was, I understood the situation and knew ahead of time how to verbalize what happened, so talking my way through it just came naturally.
 
So again, autism does not mean incapable to love or show a random act of kindness. It doesn’t even mean a limited ability to help others. Anyone can aid anyone in need, all it takes is a simple reminder that we are not alone.

He never got bored talking about his areas of interests and could recall the minutest of details with ease.  He could keep himself occupied for hours on end which in some respects made him very easy to care for.  At the same time, letting him live in his own world without interaction wasn't good for his long-term social skills growth.  Today I know more than the average dad does about Spongebob Squarepants, Patrick , Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Plankton, and Pearl (Mr. Krabs sperm whale daughter).

Now I love watching movies, and I LOVE food.  Given his passion for both, these are two natural connection points that we have together.  One of our favorite movies is Men in Black.  We've seen it many times over the years.  In fact when the third Men in Black movie came out we went to see it together in the theater.  Prior to the movie they had a MIB trivia contest.  Trevor and I nailed the questions and came home the proud owners of black MIB t-shirts.  We also love going out for breakfast, lunch or dinner together at places ranging from The Melting Pot to Costco for hot dogs.  These are things that we both love doing together and as a dad I fiercely protect our time for these activities. 

Do you see this as an area to work on? Here's a few pointers that may help you strengthen those connection points as well as help your child with socialization and exposure to new things:

• Get into his world - Actively look to see those areas where your child shows interest and actively plot out actions you can take that will let you be a character in his world. 
• Watch reactions - With some things Trevor preferred to be the sole actor, like drawing when he was little and photography as an adult.  He is content (and prefers) to be doing those things on his own and for me to be a cheerleader and admirer.  My role wasn't to draw with him as a child or to take pictures with him now; it's to be supportive of his interests.
• Look for opportunities to introduce new interests - Trevor wasn't born loving Spongebob Squarepants; he was exposed to it and developed an interest.  Take advantage of time together to explore new potential interests.  For example, we made it a point to eat dinner as a family every night at 6 p.m.  This was where we introduced the "Ten times" rule for trying new foods.  Trevor had to try something ten times before he decided he didn't like it.  In retrospect we should have named it the "Three times" rule because that's about what it worked to be.  Nevertheless, Trevor knew that he needed to try something new more than once before saying he didn't like it.  This was key to him expanding his menu choices.
• Create routine around interest areas - When Trevor and I did things it was usually after dinner, whether it was watching a favorite show, playing a computer game, or doing some other activity.  He knew when to expect that time together so it was a welcomed activity.  I learned not to approach him out of the blue and suggest doing something, as he already had his activities planned out; my unplanned activity was interrupting his schedule, which is something people with autism generally don't appreciate. 
• Your child isn't you - I loved playing sports as a child.  Trevor wanted nothing to do with sports.  While it would have been great seeing him pitch a perfect game, I couldn't project my interests on him to where he would hate doing something just because I loved it (and therefore resent me). By all means introduce him to new things, but recognize when it just isn't going to happen and don't force it.

I cannot express enough the importance of finding those connection points with your autistic child. While there have been struggles along the way, I am thankful that Trevor and I have those connection points where we are able to enjoy activities together and build upon the great relationship we have. 

​Aliens. Hollywood’s always been obsessed with them. As far back as Georges Méliès’ A Trip to the Moon in 1902, the concept of life on other planets has been meticulously explored. Many film critics have pointed out numerous parallels between aliens and international relations, The Day the Earth Stood Still being a common example, but never pointed out a parallel that makes perfect sense: the similarities between aliens and autism.

Here are some examples:

War of the Worlds (1953)

Martians arrive with the intent of annihilating the human race. From the human’s perspective, they are here to cause chaos and mass hysteria. Think about how people looked at autism back in the 1950’s, as back then it was dismissed as the now unacceptable phrase, “mental retardation.” They too thought at the time that anyone who was mentally handicapped was a recipe for chaos in social order.

Star Wars (1977)

All the aliens speak different languages, yet can still understand each other’s words. The language barrier doesn’t help though in understanding what the other means (think of Han Solo’s exchange with Greedo). While the immediate interpretation would be other word languages, those on the spectrum possess an entirely different sense of body language and social cues that gets in the way of proper interaction from both ends of a conversation.

Six-Word Lessons for Dads with Autistic Kids, Lesson #16: They Don’t Read Other People Well.

Alien (1979)

Humans are curious about a creature from a world beyond their understanding. They go out to explore it, only to be killed one by one from the inside out by a hideous lifeform. In the same way, people at times feel somehow intrigued by autism, seeing how different it is, yet at the same time, they fear that getting too close to anyone on the spectrum will mentally destroy them from the inside out.

E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial (1982)

He came here with a curiosity about the way people live. Yet his fear of blaring lights, loud sounds, and unexpected surprises overpowers curiosity. These are all traits to autism, especially when they’re in a place of frightening unfamiliarity.

Six-Word Lessons on Female Asperger Syndrome, Lesson #34: We are Socially Clumsy and Unaware.

Arrival (2016)

Nobody knows what to make of these odd foreign invaders, so language interpretation becomes the means to communicate with them to see whether they’re dangerous or not. Many would also rely on interpretation of speech to understand somebody with autism, as it’s not always clear. You can read more in my autism lesson on the movie here.

So the next time you watch a movie with intelligent beings outside of Earth, such as Life, don’t just think of it as mindless entertainment. So much deeper meaning exists in sci-fi than what meets the eye.

3 Takeaways:

1. Read up on blog posts and articles about the deeper meaning behind science fiction films. You may not believe so but their directors have more to tell us about humanity than you realize.
2. It’s not enough to just acknowledge a deeper meaning behind your favorite science fiction films, you also must apply it. For instance, after learning about the autistic signs in E.T., use that comparison to change how you interact with somebody on the autism spectrum. After all, if you can relate to a man from outer space, relating to a man with ASD should be no problem.
3. As your autistic child what they think of these depictions of aliens in film: are they responsible depictions or do they miss the point about human interaction?

Thanks so much for your time in reading! My book Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic is available on Amazon, Kindle, and iBooks. Be sure to go to TrevorsViewonHollywood.come for more movie reviews. 

Like many people with autism, our son Trevor has always been very aware of time, and likes to stick to a schedule. He owned and used a watch from preschool on, and that attention to timeliness helped him when he had a job. Because autistic individuals thrive on routine, schedules and predictability, they will rarely, if ever, be late to work or meetings, which is a dream for employers.

Trevor's job doing nightly security lock-up at a church was perfect for him, because he never forgot to show up and do the very important job of securing a public building. His supervisor said Trevor was his "right-hand man" and he was more reliable than many of his other employees, and he could always count on him to do what he was asked. He took "literally no supervision" and he didn't have to check up on him. "As a supervisor, that's huge," he said.

For more tips on helping prepare kids with autism for the workplace, and learning about how employers can take advantage of the special skills of people with autism, check out Patty's book, Six-Word Lessons for Autism-Friendly Workplaces. 

For children on the autism spectrum, start career planning as soon as your child starts developing interests. The elementary school years are perfect for this, but at least by age 14. Taking note of their interests, especially their passions, can help them pursue and cultivate them. If they talk about dreams that seem unrealistic, encourage them anyway. You never know what they will be capable of as they grow and develop. 

Take their interests a step further by finding household tasks or volunteer work that will help them explore and develop their passions while learning good basic work skills and lead to independence and better employment.

For more about preparing your child with autism for the workplace, check out Six-Word Lessons for Autism-Friendly Workplaces, in paperback and e-book. 

Moonlight, the 2017 Academy Award winner for best picture, shows us all the troubles that one boy goes through as he grows up feeling like he’s a homosexual. It is always a confusing place to be when you are young, when you feel uncontrollable romantic desires towards someone of the same sex, and yet are not mature enough to know what to make of it, especially when the other kids at school pick on you because they can sense that you are different.

So imagine how much harder it would be if somebody on the autism spectrum grew up thinking that they were gay or a lesbian?

Six-Word Lessons for Autism Friendly Workplaces, Lesson #31: Discrimination Can Surface in Various Forms.

Just like in Moonlight, a boy can become a fast subject of bullying because he’s different in two different ways: skin color and sexual orientation. But in the case of this movie, he’s in an all-Black school, but still has one of these differences from the crowd. Yet imagine if he was in another school of mostly White students, how much more the bullying would get to him? In that same way, anybody who is both autistic and gay would become a walking dartboard for bullies. Yet it’s different in the case of being autistic rather than being Black because those on the spectrum have a harder time putting their concerns into words.

Six-Word Lessons on Growing up Autistic, Lesson #45: They Can’t Explain What’s Bothering Them.

Therefore, they simply let themselves get bullied for years by everyone at school, even the teachers in some situations, which always creates a dangerous effect on their mentality. They’ll start believing the lies everyone says about them, embrace these lies, and come to live a troubled existence gloating in the very thing they were bullied for.

I am not a homosexual myself, nor do I know of anybody who is both autistic and gay, but I have known people who were one or the other. So I understand the long-term trauma and effects that discrimination has on anybody who’s different. I’m not here right now to tell you whether homosexuality is a good or bad lifestyle, nor will I try to convince you whether it’s a method of choice or genetic makeup, but what I can tell you is that bullying anybody, whether autistic or gay, always leaves a permanent scar on the victim that dangerously skews the way they look at the world.

So then, what would you do as a parent if your child with autism comes out as being gay? I realize that the answer is different for every parent, as some support the lifestyle while others do not, just like how every child on the autism spectrum is different. But for every case, there is one easy saying that any parent can say to their LGBTQ child:

Your sexual preference does not define who you are.

I have known people who felt that their gayness made up the wholeness of their identity, and frankly, these declarations have never ended well from what I witnessed. It’s important for us all to know, parents, kids, bullies, teachers, that you are far more than a gay/straight label.

I know of a man who happens to be gay, and he is a phenomenal artist and singer, as well as being an all-around super friendly guy. I know of another man who happens to be gay, and he is a very passionate and compelling public speaker who can easily make friends with anyone. I also have a cousin who happens to be married to another man, and my family and I always enjoy the entertaining conversations we have with him. It’s not about their sexual preference that makes people good or bad, it’s how they treat others that defines who they are.

So it should be a requirement for all parents to make sure their kids remember that if they ever say, “mom, dad, I’m gay.” In the case of the child coming out also having autism, here are some helpful takeaways than can clear up the child’s confusion:

3 Takeaways:

1. Whether if your autistic child is gay, lesbian, transgendered, asexual, or whatever other sexual preference, remember that there are more important things going on, such as your child’s education and social skills, things that would be more closely related to ASD. Know where your priorities need to be.
2. Somebody who is both autistic and gay would imaginably have a near-impossible time making friends. Therefore, it is good to look harder outside of school for a community. It could be an autism group, Boys and Girls club, gathering of others form the LGBTQ community, or your local church, but there’s always someone out there who would love to have your out-of-place child as a friend.
3. Keep pressing on your child that sexuality does not define who they are. In the same way, let them know that their autism also does not define who they are. Likewise, skin color does not define what you’re good or bad at, age does not decide your level of maturity, and what others say about you is rarely ever true. Make sure your kid knows where their identity comes from, and make sure they know not to label others that same way.

Thanks so much for your time in reading! My book Six-Word Lessons on Growing Up Autistic is available on Amazon, Kindle, and iBooks. Be sure to subscribe to my site for more updates on reviews like this.